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Post 0

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 11:19amSanction this postReply
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I just can't help but think of Tammy Wynette's song, Woman to Woman. Basically she's saying "Take care of him or someone else will."  Great advice! 
Lyrics:
if you think you got your man in the palm of your hand
you better listen

and if you think you've got it made and his love will never fade
you better listen

she's out there too
and she's a whole lot better lookin than me and you
and she can do things to a man
you never dreamed a woman can do

if you think you keep your man with a golden weddin band
you better listen
and if your sittin there at home thinkin how good you turn him on
you better listen

she's sweet when she talks and she bounces all over when she walks
and she's forgot more about a man then your sweet mama ever told
you
i'm talkin to you woman to woman




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Post 1

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 11:20amSanction this postReply
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Luther,

Why you posted this as 'humor' is beyond me.

My wife took great pains to write this article, and backs every word of it by her steadfast example.

Sincerely,

George 'hoping his wife never reads his post on Solo' Cordero


Post 2

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 11:39amSanction this postReply
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This has to be a put-on.

I mean, it HAS to be...

Doesn't it?




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Post 3

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 11:43amSanction this postReply
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I couldn't even get past the third paragraph.

Post 4

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 11:48amSanction this postReply
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This is wonderful. This is a sex manual [albeit for beginners] in disguise. I can't believe it's real. Of course, I translate everything from "authority" into it's opposite to see if it reads better. That would be my advice: "Here, read this, just do the opposite."

Hilarious. I sent it off to my sisters. Thanks Luther!


Post 5

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 12:02pmSanction this postReply
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Oh, lord, this is too funny!

There's even the best kept secret of marriage:

"Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust."

Post 6

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 12:48pmSanction this postReply
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I was actually being serious. This is so bad that I smell a put-on. Any way of checking to see if this is a phony essay? The language seems a bit too "modern."

Post 7

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 12:53pmSanction this postReply
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Robert, I have contacted Mark Danks, from whose site I pulled this joke, to learn of its origins and will share what he has to say.

Post 8

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 1:00pmSanction this postReply
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Here's a sample of why I smell a put-on:

Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark. There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.


Not only is this absurd, what's this about "turned off all the lights." In 1894?

I suspect this is just a very funny satire.


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Post 9

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 2:04pmSanction this postReply
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Great post Luther (hehehehe).

Robert - Well it is a wonderful spoof then. I started to look it over, but it was too long. Decided to skim. Then suddenly I couldn't stop reading it and laughing until the tears came.

There are some amazing curiosities that are real from around that time. There was one delightfully demented man who thought that the proper path to spiritual enlightenment was to overcome the urge for masturbation. He wrote a book on it called The Way I think. He also made a very profitable career of spreading his doctrine on the lecture circuit. His most effective technique for overcoming this evil perversion was to forcefully and energetically bang the head of the penis between the toilet seat and bowl when this diabolical craving arose.

I can't remember his name for the life of me. A google search was useless. Information overload on this topic. Also, when I came across one quantum theorist who tried to explain the big-bang theory of the beginning of the universe as God masturbating, I just gave up...

Michael



Post 10

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 2:05pmSanction this postReply
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Definitely satire. The language is utterly modern. Not a single out-of-date word or phrase. Pick up and read something from the 1890s and note how oddly phrased all of it is.

Jon

Post 11

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 2:25pmSanction this postReply
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"Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day."

Amen to that ;-)


Post 12

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 5:06pmSanction this postReply
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If this is an urban legend, it is because of the many places it has spread such as this one:

http://www.squaredancecd.com/Bride/brides.htm

Of comparable humor but perhaps more veracity is this link: http://www.nerdgirl.com/comments.php?id=317_0_1_0_C

I attach the text:
 Compliments of Housekeeping Monthly
13 May 1955

  • Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

  • Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

  • Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

  • Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

  • During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

  • Be happy to see him.

  • Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

  • Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

  • Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

  • Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

  • Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

  • Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

  • Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

  • A good wife always knows her place.


Post 13

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 5:12pmSanction this postReply
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Luke, NOW you're getting somewhere. THIS gets printed out and stuck on my bride's pillow.

Umm...any chance we can persuade Peikoff to declare this as a "lost" work of Ayn Rand's, so that its wisdom becomes official Objectivist doctrine?


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Post 14

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 6:13pmSanction this postReply
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Luke:

"After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction."

This is supposed to be a humorous thread, not inspirational.

That is about as close to the spiritual rewards of moral perfection for the fairer sex as I can imagine.

Michael


Post 15

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 6:30pmSanction this postReply
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Well, as a young lad I read in a marriage manual that belonged to my father that women should not wear their hair in a bun because it inflames the "amatory glands".

I can't recall anything as explicitly anti-sex as Luther's quote but I surely wish I had saved it after my Dad died.

Paul


Post 16

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 6:33pmSanction this postReply
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Sam!

Where the hell ya been!

George


Post 17

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 6:43pmSanction this postReply
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Luke,
Now, I have to say that why you posted this is beyond me. I suddenly lost my sense of humor at your post #12.


Post 18

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 8:02pmSanction this postReply
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Hong, I assume your air of disdain is tongue in cheek, but in case it isn't -- by "veracity" I meant that I can imagine it actually published in 1955 as a serious tract, not that I meant women should actually obey it and become docile servants of their husbands.

My, how the times have changed...

When I toured the Casements, the summer home of John Rockefeller in Ormond Beach, Florida, in the early 1990s, the third floor housed a museum of Boy Scout memorabilia.  On the wall I found a poster, circa 1950, with a Norman Rockwell style painting of a Scoutmaster and several young Boy Scouts.  The caption began in bold letters as follows:

A Scoutmaster is a man who likes boys ... and they like him right back!

I am not making this up!  The remaining text had some wholesome words about mentoring and role modeling and so forth.  Needless to say, that type of wording would no longer fly.

My, how the times have changed...


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Post 19

Thursday, March 10, 2005 - 8:35pmSanction this postReply
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Can't resist.

"A Scoutmaster is a man who likes boys ... and they like him right back!"

Maybe this PR Man who wrote this was Catholic.

Michael


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